Saturday, May 31, 2008

6 days to Go!

Birthday - Turd Ferguson

6 days until what you ask? 30th birthday. Yes, that's right folks, I am turning the Big 3-0. Now, let me tell you, it's taken me awhile to come to grips with this. And I mean a while. Like, the day I turned 29...I've been dreading the day. But, I can gladly say now that I am rather excited about it. I have had several dialogues with The Lord about this and He has assured me that this is not the end of the world for me. :) Turning 30 has been something that people (namely, my hubby) have been using to tease and poke at me. (in love, of course). But, the a couple of weeks ago at dinner, we were talking and my husband said "yeah, you're gonna be 30" just like that, not even trying to tease me or anything, maybe he was even just reminding me in case I had forgotten (I hadn't). That was all it took. The tears welled up in my eyes and I needed to excuse myself from the table. Something was going on with me and I wasn't sure what it was. Turning 30 was really bothering me and I wasn't sure why. I was talking to my friend about this the other day and her first question to me was..."were you having PMS?" and the answer I indeed was not having PMS and that is what stumped me. In fact my cycle had just ended a few days before. (just in case you wanted to know all of the details.) Anyway, I sat there on the bed sobbing and my hubby came into the room. My poor kids were probably thinking, "mommy is acting really silly". Kent asked me what was wrong and....I just blurted it out..."I am a loser..I am going to be 30 and what have I made of myself....all I'm good for is being a mom...if something happened to you (kent) I wouldn't even be able to get a real job...blah blah blah." I didn't say blah blah blah but, you get the point. Now, don't get me wrong, Mothering is the best thing that could have ever happened to me and I absolutely love it with all of my heart and I would never for a second give it up...for anything and I do not feel that it is unimportant at all. My thing was that I felt that I was only good for that and in my 30 years that was pretty much all I had accomplished in my life. I hadn't gone to college or gotten an education and that pretty much would rule out having any type of career if I needed one. I was just reflecting on...what have I done, where am I going, what is my life worth...those types of things. Basically, I was viewing my life from a worldly perspective, not a Kingdom perspective. I had let myself think that my life was not successful but was looking at it from the standpoint of what the World would look at as success. My husband in his wisdom, and with great love said to me "you are not finding your identity in the right place." He encouraged me that knowing my identity in Christ and doing what The Lord has asked me to do is succesful, more so than any career or job or any other superficial thing. I knew he was right. I just needed a fresh perspective. After that, I felt better. I re-evaluated my life through a Kingdom-lens and I felt pretty successful after that. So many times we spend our life doing things that really don't matter and we feel empty inside. I am pretty convinced that had I gone to college and pursued a career, I probably wouldn't have met Kent because when I met him I was in ministry at my local church. And had I not met Kent, we would not have gotten married and had 2 beautiful children. I am thankful for everything The Lord has done in my life over the past 30 years. Wow, I can't believe I'm gonna be 30!.....I am truly blessed.

1 comment:

Sgt and Mrs Hub said...

I'll have to come back and read this again when I am turning 30. 'Cause even though right now, all your words make sense and they are true and right, my head says: "Nooooooooo!" For some reason, the thought of not being young scares me to death. And if I turn 30 then I am going to turn 40, and 50.... I am praying that by the time I near my 30th birthday I will have had a change of heart just like you. I am so thankful for your willingness to be frank. :)